


Who I was

by Furtive



Category: One Piece
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Childhood Memories, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, Hurt and comfort, M/M, Memory Issues, relationships, slight amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 11:13:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8665417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Furtive/pseuds/Furtive
Summary: Sabo's memory problems continue to be an obstacle to Ace, he doesn't want it to be, but it is hard. He knows it isn't his fault, but he can't help but feel pain when he is with him.





	

Sabo doesn't know it but he has forgotten a lot of things, but some times his body remembers it. Ever since the accident, Sabo has forgotten a lot of details about his life. He remembered the people he loved and their relationships to him, but he was missing so much about them. So much about himself.

Out of curiosity, Ace will ask questions that pertain to things they've done together, memories they share, but Sabo won't recall it. He laughs it off and thinks nothing of it, but Ace's stomach churns and turns inside out. A familiar feeling appears every now and then but it is never strong enough to stay. It always feels warm, however nothing comes of it. Sabo can never figure it out and it becomes a hazy needle that sticks into his mind. It is there but it's not like he can do anything about it. After all, it goes as soon as it comes. 

They passed two kids playing outside as they walked through out the neighborhood, they were stomping about and excitingly hanging on a nearby tree. They didn't seem to care if they got dirty or how much scrapes they got. The children's knees were cut up but they still smiled. Ace laughed as he saw them yell from the top of their lungs.  
He asked Sabo how he felt about tree houses, and he looked a bit embarrassed before he answered, admitting that he always secretly wanted one. His smile looked youthful, a bright large smile that looked too much like one a young boy would give. He looked so genuine, but to Ace it felt like a fabricated reply.  
Because he did have one.  
With him.  
But he had no way of knowing that the two spent half of their adolescence there making up plans for their futures there, or that it was where they planned traveling the world together.  
To him it never happened.  
To Ace it was an unfulfilled dream.  
A broken promise.

On another occasion, He and Sabo were dining at a nearby establishment. A smell of freshly cut onions and seasoned broth filled the air. Sabo looked eager to eat, he tapped his fingers on the wood counter in anticipation. A splitting image of when he was a kid. Ace glanced at him and frowned a bit but turned it back up when Sabo pointed at the food coming their way, he told Ace that there was no need to be sad when food was in their presence. Ace felt a rush of nostalgia brush onto him as he tasted the rich, creamy soup. It reminded him of the meal he shared with his two close friends as kids, before they skipped on paying. In fact he was almost certain it was the same type, the unforgettable taste could be nothing else. When he asked Sabo for his opinion, he gave a hearty laugh and said it was his first time eating such a dish.  
Ace laughed for two reasons: because Sabo looked really enthusiastic over a bowl of ramen, and because he didn't remember.  
He didn't remember a moment Ace defined as the happiest moment of his life.  
But he didn't blame Sabo.  
He just blamed himself for getting his hopes up. 

It seemed like the prickling feeling of being forgotten always stabbed through him, everything Sabo did felt like he was a ghost. A memory of what once was. Not that Sabo was any different to Ace, he still felt like the same friend he once had. It was more like Ace was a stranger to Sabo. 

At least that's what he felt like.

Any time he lays his eyes on the scarred face of the oblivious man, he can't help but to feel like the world is sitting on his chest. That scar. When he got it is when Ace became that stranger, and when Sabo became a ghost. But no matter what Ace forces himself to remember everything, for the both of them. He feels obligated to carry on what they had before. To him those were all he had, in a world he used to despise, in a world where he thought he was better off dead, Sabo was the one to lift him off the ground. Except Sabo has no recollection of Ace's demons, or that he was the only thing that kept him from jumping off a cliff. 

He doesn't remember when they would spar.  
He doesn't remember giving Dadan a hard time for no reason.  
He doesn't remember adventuring for so long that when they came home they collapsed underneath themselves.  
He doesn't remember gaining a new brother that was just an annoying brother before.  
He doesn't remember the summers they spent together.  
He doesn't remember their promises.  
He doesn't even remember that Ace was troubled.

He doesn't remember telling Ace that he was glad he was born. 

He and Ace are just friends.  
But Ace is still a stranger, and Sabo is a ghost. 

It always ate him up when he thought about it, anytime he looks at him he wants to cry. But he doesn't. His fingers may get cold, the knot in his heart always tightens, and he may accidentally break a thing or two, but he never tries to show it. 

Except that one time. 

"Where did you want to go?" He remembered Sabo looked especially chipper that day, his smile looked as oblivious as ever. What did he know? 

He replied back to him, "Somewhere I think you'll get a kick out of." 

He climbed around the greenery and tiny obstacles that attempted to slow him down. He knew this place like the back of his hand, every book and cranny. What time of day it got cool, and where the best spots are for shade.  
Ace walked slightly in front of Sabo, leading, definitely not counting on if Sabo selectively remembered this out of the billion of things he dismissed. 

Occasionally Ace would stop and glance behind him to see the blond struggling to unwind himself from the scenery. He gave a weak chuckle to the thought of a younger Sabo challenging him to an old-fashioned race through out the forest. He was very agile, and swiftly moved through the foliage, giving Ace a run for his money.

His tanned arms stretched out, guiding Sabo. He looked slightly offended at Ace implying he was incapable of finding his own way, but he didn't say anything because he knew he was right. 

"Right this way, your grace." Ace playfully bowed as he moved the curtain of vines away from him, he lowered his head and laughed, "Never been in these parts I guess." 

Sabo mocked, giving a rather monotone fake laugh, "Haha very funny, jerk." He dusted off his coat and hat , playing into Ace's mockery of his aristocrat background, he held his head up high and turned his nose away. "I don't talk to animals." A cheeky contradicting smile rested on his face. His laugh was gentle, smooth like the breeze on a cool summers day. One he remembers quite well. It gave Ace a warm feeling, a familiar thing he felt once before. 

From then on he helped Sabo move along, grabbing his wrists to guide him through, and some times if he was daring- his hands.  
He tried not to make it noticeable that he wanted to feel Sabo; something in him wanted to make sure he was there, validation, to make sure he was alive. He wanted to know that this wasn't something he had dreamed up. Adventuring with him again, through the forest they dominated as a kid. Where they would escape from their troubles, and tell each other how much they meant to each other. A kind of grave yard, a birthplace of relations that soon became a memory. 

Ace knew what he was doing was dangerous though, because with the accident, Sabo also forgot how things were with Ace. He was a friend to Ace, but nothing much more than that. Hardly a brother, hardly a lover.  
Friend was the perfect definition for the two, because you could even call someone you met 3 times before a friend. A rather flimsy word it was. 

"How much longer till we arrive, Ace?" He sounded a bit robotic. His tone was too formal. 

"Don't worry your pretty blond head, we arrived your highness." Ace taunted, stopping in place. He couldn't tell anymore if his teases were meant as nothing more than a joke, every now and then he would catch a slither of spite traced within the words. Though, it wouldn't be long till he felt bad, knowing it wasn't his fault. It just pained him. 

Ace pointed upward, a tree house, rather large at that. Hard to miss. An old flag hung on the side, tattered and bleached by the sun. Nature reclaimed a lot of it, grasping at the sides of the fake boat like structure as if holding onto what was. Underneath the greenery, the craftsmanship of children was evident. Some planks of wood hanging because of the lack of skill. Uneven pieces lined together. No matter, it was still a sight. It looked like an oasis, dropping with love out of every cranny. Seeing it again, Ace felt at peace. He could only hope Sabo felt the same. They climbed up it and entered, both looking about to inspect every hidden and forgotten aspect of the tree house. Secrets ready to be overturned and rediscovered. 

Sabo was attracted to the pile of dusty books that lay in the corner of the room, a soft light hit them where the tattered imperfect roof shown. His gentle, slender fingers ran perfectly across the covers; the tip of his digits covered in a cake of dust. A puzzle began to work in his mind, something was turning but he couldn't figure it out. All he muttered was:

"I wish I could write a book." Sabo was silent, solemnly he waited to speak. As if wanting to hear another's voice.  
To this Ace became quiet, his heart ran wild when he heard this. Something a younger Sabo once said to him.

"Y-Yeah? Is that so? You liked reading? Or just writing? About what? What's the sudden interest?" Too many questions, sounded too eager, unreal. 

"I don't really know, and what it would be about... I'm not sure." Sabo sighed as if an important thought slipped away wistfully without a trace. He rubbed away the dirt, fingers pressing lightly on the other.  
"I'll tell you if it comes to me." He turned back to Ace, meeting his gaze. 

The freckled man said nothing, he offered a smile accompanied with a single nod. 

"Why did you bring me here, Ace?" His hands were busy again, inspecting different objects amongst the clutter. Drawings, toys, pipes, books.  
"It seems like a cute space, I can tell you had a lot of fun here."  
Chalk, a board, band aids, smaller pairs of clothes, futons. 

"Did you and Lu hang out here a lot?"  
He kept at it still sifting through the oddly ordinal messy arrangement. He chuckled a bit.  
A flag.  
"I think these are initials, but who is the S? Did you have another friend when you were younger? Ace. Luffy. And-"

Ace couldn't listen to him any more, his clenched fists loosened when he spoke, easing him.

"Yes we had a friend, I miss him dearly." 

His heart sounded like it was trembling.

Sabo looked at him sadly,

"I'm sorry... What was he like?"

Fire did not erupt, but his hands felt hot, uncomfortable.

"He was so... funny. Brave, stupid. He fought against everything. A moron but one with a good heart, and he had a good brain."

An unsteady beating drum lay in his chest, ready to pop out at any minute.

"He was stubborn, and we liked to do stupid shit together. Stealing, fighting. But I don't think there is anyone I trusted more than him." 

Needles pierced his eyelids, a shot of pain every time he blinked. It felt like he was about to cry. 

"He was my family, he treated me so kindly. Every one turned away from me, no one gave a shit about me. I didn't even give a shit about me, till he came around. Living became easier."

Sabo's expression became quickly worried. However, he said nothing. He moved slowly closer to Ace with every word he said. 

A storm was inside of Ace, he could feel it. 

"He was the first person I truly loved. I think i could say it was the same for him." 

Anger washed over Aces body, he was shaking. His eyes were focused on his feet, no contact to any one else. Tightly clasped hands balled up, the prickling needles finally forced red on his eyes. A stream of tears washed his face. 

"He isn't dead," Ace could only whisper, "but he treats me like I am." 

Sabo finally moved closer, bringing Ace into a hug. He used the hug to push him into the seat next to him, but he didn't break it. For a while he just sat with Ace, embraced in his care.

Cutting away, Sabo still held on to his hands. His free one was brushing away the hair stuck to Ace's skin, and the tears that wet him. 

His heavy breathing calmed down, his ugly crying was leveling. Still small pools gently flowed like a river down his face, once that was soon going to dry up. His furrowed eyebrows lifted back into their usual expression. 

"I'm sorry I brought it up, I didn't know." His quiet voice brushed on Ace's ears. His warm breath felt nice.

"I knew you wouldn't have known..." Sabo sounded upset.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"I feel like it is."

"How could it be, prince?" 

"I think this place is supposed to be important to you. And you showed it to me, I don't know why but I think it's supposed to be important to me too."

"..."

"I know my memory isn't all there Ace, I'm sorry."

Sabo pulled Aces head closer to him, resting it on his shoulder. The bridge of his nose hung off of him, Sabo smelt of a sweet soft fragrance. He didn't think he sprayed on anything though, maybe that was just his smell. Their hands stayed intermingled. 

"Your unfair, you still console me the same.  
How many times have you held me here, like this? You still focus too much on a burden, and you can't even remember." 

"Ah. So the S, it is me? I had a feeling. I'm not a fool, I had a feeling.  
I'm sorry Ace.  
I try to remember things I really do.  
I promise you mean a lot to me, it hurts a lot because when I look at you I feel something. But I really don't know what it is.  
Familiarity maybe."

Ace raised his head, slowly, his eyes still fixated in the floor. He released one of his hands, placing it on Sabo's lower back. When he finally met Sabo's eyes, he leaned in. His lips felt softer than his, unchanged, not rough, familiar. It lasted for a while, longer than what's comfortable, but enough to make him it. He leaned back, his eyes closed. Ace's freckles popped out more at the background of red blush, he refused to open his eyes. He couldn't. 

His ears waited listening to a change in the room,  
"Did you just take my first kiss?" 

Ace quivered; Sabo spoke once more,  
"Ace?"

His eyes remained shut, darkness flooded his eye lids. Lights began to move about because of how tight he was holding them. He saw nothing, but felt something. A warm presence on his cheek, a hand, gently hovering on the surface of his skin.

"Ace, you bastard. You took my first kiss and you can't even look at me. If you don't open your eyes, I will slap you."  
The hand on him felt less welcoming and more hostile, he quickly released the lock and stared back at the waiting blond. 

"It was hardly your first," he slyly spoke, smirking. 

Blood rushed to Sabo's cheeks, his eyes widened a bit, "What do you mean!?" He yelled a little louder than expected. His hand that was on Ace's face drew back, holding it to his chest as if he felt it was safer near him. 

"Second." Ace laughed, "One other time when we were kids, you looked just as embarrassed as you do now." 

Sabo's hand looked more like a claw now, grasping onto and stretching Ace's cheeks. "You stole two first kisses from me?! And you only did it one other time? Are you a child! I'm glad I don't remember that, you theif!" 

"You were mad back then too, something about you wanting to do it first, or that I didn't wait for the right moment." He sounded like he was chewing cotton balls, hardly understandable. 

A moment, feeling like a child again. Fighting like no one could hear them, yelling at the top of their lungs. They laughed it off but again they sat in silence, but it was comfortable. Sabo stared at Ace, wondering about him. Inspecting him like all the objects he did before, knowing a lot of what he knew was gone, but a lot could be figured out. A simple man, a sad man. He just wants a friend, some one else in this world who would curse people with his existence. Someone who loves him no matter what. It hurt him to know for a while, he wasn't that. 

"I'm not leaving you." 

A break in the silence, he spoke again, not letting Ace speak,  
"I did once before, but I won't again. I will relearn you. I will be here, all I need to remember is you."

He flung his hands onto the other mans shoulders, grasping firmly with care.

"I don't remember everything, but little by little i can learn again. I don't have to remember everything right now but... I know you are special to me!" 

Ace smiled coyly.

"I could go for some sake, why don't I call Luffy over?"

"You drink Ace? I don't remember that."

"Hmm, not often but it sounds pretty good right now."

**Author's Note:**

> School takes up a lot of time but I have sold my soul to one piece ... so hi,


End file.
